It’s a Dinosaur Story! Or at least this blog has been kept in the Prehistoric ages for awhile. I apologize, this was never my intention when I begged and prayed to start a blog. But life as a single mom gets ahead of you and time flies. I felt as though I was caving into my own prehistoric mind set of a woman needs a helping hand. That isn’t always true. A woman needs her faith, family, and mind.
I found my faith hiding in the depths of my soul. I like most humans felt that I didn’t need a fellowship or guidance from God, who you never met or see. As I have always struggled knowing something without the visual this was hard. I know God didn’t give up on me, but I gave up on my ability to believe and worship without the visual. I had to see this faith through my daughter’s eyes.
We recently, (meaning one Sunday ago) went to church. I was terrified! What was I thinking taking a toddler to church to sit!? Would she be good? Would she sit for at least one minute? These questions flew through my mind on our drive there. But they were overruled by the urgent sense of needing to hear and be in a church. I had never felt so driven as I did making that choice. The only other time I have ever been overcome by such urgency and need was when I chose to be a mom and knowing I would be doing it on my own.
Well, church went… Amazing! V sat and listened and clapped. She lit up at the songs and even enjoyed just listening. I felt at home. I felt a little more put together than I had in months. I also felt that I wasn’t alone with my thoughts and feelings anymore. God is there. He really is there. The world through my child’s eyes is God’s way of showing me he is there. He gives me this chance.
Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual l milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 1 Peter 2:2
My family is my backbone. It isn’t necessarily my blood relatives, I include those who have become my sisters and brothers in my heart in this phrase. You all strengthen me through our stories, talks and love. I truly feel as though I am strong because I have such an amazing family. We all make each other greater, and we continue to grow. My mother and my daughter, melt my heart. The moments that I can see them having some Grandma Time makes me understand that my world is a wonderful world. V loves her grandma. She has moments of complete adoration for her and at times it makes me breathless to know that someone else could love my mom that much. V is growing up with amazing people in her life. This people ring true through out the days. Thank you.
I am smart. I haven’t uttered those words out loud or pen to paper. I have a mind that helps me deal with life’s ups and downs. I haven’t ever felt that I was smart. I knew I was pretty, and that I read books. I came to the conclusion recently that I am more than that. And that I would want my mind to be what my daughter mimics. Not my looks. I want my heart and mind seen. I want to share my words, and thoughts without fear of sounding silly.
I plan to do just that. Here. Right Now.